darkness behind pearl..

few days ago, my coursemate organize a trip to penang..
derrick, keat and me drive each car and fetch 17 people round the island..
during the trip, most of us sick..
my stomach not feeling very well because i went to Segamat and Malacca before i came back to Penang..
i ate a lot of food in Segamat and Malacca..
i really enjoy those trips...
i feel very happy...
but...
at the final day of Penang trip..
when the time we sent them to bus stop...
looking at them from outside of the bus...
the feel very uncomfortable..
we wave our hand to each others..
feel like this is the last wave from them i can ever seen...
the feeling of scare spread out from my heart..

stupid!!!

argh!!!!
i hate this feeling...
eveytime when this feeling present..
i sure will think irrationally..
my stupid immature thinking will take over me..
i really hate it!!!!
i hate of myself!!!
i want to overcome it..
delete it forever from my personality!!!!
please help me..
i scare fail....
T_T

reject..

i feel happy with my life now...
but..
everytime when i lie on my bed..
i feel like i lost something..
lost something that i would never get it back..
something that might very important...
i do not know what is it...
i feel like to reject everything...

i reject...
i reject every incident that happen around me..
i reject every properties around me...
i reject to become one of friend among others...
i reject to born as a youngest son in my family...
i reject to act my role as a human in the world..
i reject to exist as a dust in the universe...
i reject...

i do not know why..

dream first step..

after having my OM exam..
me and my few coursemate went to one of their hometown seremban..
i do a lot of careless mistake during the exam..
actually i expect could get B..
but now i think max will only get C...
although very sad..
but after i came back from seremban 1 day trip, i feel better..
finally i get closer to one of my dream in university life..
the dream is to visit all my friend's hometown around whole Malaysia..
=)
and today i went to first place that far from my hometown..
all of us feel tired because study till very late yesterday..
pity my friend yonghong..
he had to drive us 45 minute to eat fu yong sao pao..
and then another 45 minute to back to his hometown..
feel so happy cause i could serve those sao pao as i wish for long time ago..
after eat, we went to daren's house..
we had some rest there..
we rest around half hour there and yong hong brought us to a temple near by..
the temple was so amazing..
there are 12 statues chinese horoscope..
they look life..
after spend around half hour there, we went to yonghong house..
where our main destination..
haha..
daren and yonghong parent are nice..
they gave us drink and moon cake..
=)
we decide to have our dinner by having ikan bakar..
but when the time we reach there, the shop do not open..
so we go to another shop near by..
this is the first time they visit the shop..
and they do not whether the food there is nice or not..
quite dissapointed..
haha..
we back to pj after dinner...
thanks to yonghong...
=)

afraid..

do you afraid of lost someone??
besides my family..
i think i do not have one now..
is that mean i do not know how to love??


if we love..
we afraid to lost..
if we love..
we afraid they hurt..
if we love..
we afraid they change..
if we love..
we afraid they unhappy..
argh...
so many thing to think and scare..

sometime i rather do not know how to love..
without love then we do not need to worry..
i envy of my parent...
my dad could protect my mum for so many years..
he never speak with loud voice with her before..
could i do the same thing in future??
i hope i could..
i hope i could find someone like my mum too..
easy to happy and do not think too much..
=)

mooncake festival..

as usual i come back home alone in the mid night..
normally i feel scare...
scare to meet robbers??
or scare to meet ghost??
actually both..
hehe...
but do not know why..
just now i had no feeling at all...
maybe i could feel the moon is watching us tonight..
happy mooncake festival..
=)

hot..

1.18 am...
i could not place my body at a good position to have a good sleep..
i feel so hot and uncomfortable..
after reading and memorise for few days..
finally i could get some rest..
but after i wake up tommorow morning..
i had to work hard again..
all people are worry about their exam..
of course i am one of them...
ops..
my roomate back..
i beeter get some sleep..
nitez..

memory~

3 days ago is my friend birthday..
he used to be my best friend in primary and secondary..
i did not send any sms to him although i notice his birthday..
i heard that he change a lot..
he had follow his family to believe in their religion..
they move to Johor when we are in form 3..
he become another one since that day..
i do not dare to sms him..
i do not know what to said..
we use to talk a lot rubbish last time..
but now the way he talk changed too..
i sms with him before..
the first message replied by him is "hows ur life?"..
i was stunned that time...
haha...
this is because the word is too serious between us..
i miss all my good friend in secondary school..
i never forget the foot print they left in my life..
=)
and now..
there are another group of friends to steping in my life..
thanks to you all...
i would never forget the day we go through before no matter ex schoolmate or coursemate..
i hope there is a hard disk could store all my memory...
^^

request with no reply..

after feel down for several days..
the moody disappear today...
i not sure why..
maybe because my request was finally fulfill by my friend ah loke after i request from several friends but there is no reply..
hahaha...
and you know what is the request??
is...
i wish to have mooncake that in "nien yong" flavour!!!

i happy not actually because i could have the mooncake..
it is because at least i know that there is someone willing to answer me when i make a request..
=)
thanks to him..
and now i could study for tommorow's final exam and i hope i never too late..
hehe...
actually need thanks to yong hong(another nick called hero) too(one of loke housemate and also my coursemate).
cause i ate one of his mooncake yesterday..
xD
now i want go bath and prepare for my study..
wish me good luck ya..
i'll be back...
>.<

value of gift..

when i was young..
i feel that a gift is judge through the price..
no matter, what it is..
as long as expensive and it is a good gift..
few years ago..
i had change my mind...
i feel that gift should be something that like by the one we going to give..
so in this state, price does matter to a gift..
but now..
i feel that gift should be something that we like..
always give other things that we like to other..
even a small candy..
it also consider as a gift..
but do REMEMBER..
only give other those we like...
and do not give other if we DO NOT like it...

dependency..

"find a pretty and sexy girl friend"...
"find a handsome boy friend"..
these words are often heard by me during secondary school from all my friends..
normally during secondary school even in university or in other word..
non mature stage, people often find a partner that have a good out look..
but i think..
when come to other stage (mature)..
human will look for those who are loyal and who could give themselve feel safe when become their partner..
this is because human will seek for their life partner...
as long as they could stay with them,
protect each other, trust each other and care each other..
then that will be just fine to fulfill their requirement to become a life partner..
so for those who still in immature stage..
please do consider the statement i wrote..
do not because of out look and give up someone that who really appreciate you...

silent guardian...

4.57 am..
sudenlly remember the song of Guang Liang (Tong Hua)..
in the song mention that he would like to transform into a pair of wing..
and become a guardian of the gal...
firstly i feel that it is stupid..
wing normally attach behind of someone..
so no matter what he did..
the gal will never realise...
today i realise..
i prefer to be a pair of wing too..
become of a silent guardian of the one i love..
it is not a matter whether she realise what i did or not..
as long as she give u a smile from her heart..
i feel that it is worth...
although open my palm and let her go..
seek for her happiness and the one she love..
i would happy too...
this is because i hope she happy than i do..
and never regret with her decision...

response...

when we hold the hand of someone we love...
feel their hand..
if they do give you response...
or hold your hand tighly..
they love you just like you do..
but if not...

perfection..

some people feel that grape that they could not have
is always not nice...
but for me..
the thing i never get is always the best..
that's why she is always perfect in my heart...
8 years...

lost...

i heard of a story just now...
they said that the more we like or love a thing...
the more we afraid to lost it...
if it really do..
i rather i will never had it before..
because i afraid of pain and sad...